worldsworstfather:

god creating me without fangs, eyes that glow in the dark, claws, wings, horns or the ability to unhinge my jaw:

smallest-feeblest-boggart:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

cakesoup:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

please give us updates

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

op will not die of natural causes

systlin:

breatherunlive:

runrunningrunner:

daamneron:

airyairyquitecontrary:

livenudegirl:

cannibalmemer:

proletarianprincess:

lmao on the edinburgh zoo site it says “there is a daily penguin parade at 14:15 but it may be cancelled last minute as it is a voulntary parade, we do not coax the penguins with food, and they may not want to go out” lmao anarchopenguinism

this is the cutest goddamn thing i’ve ever heard

I saw the penguin parade. It was a very slow parade, because the

pingüinos take their sweet time and aren’t very fast walkers to begin with.

can I volunteer to be a penguin

I feel like the world needs to know the context of the edinburgh zoo penguin parade, becausr I’ve been going there my entire life and I only found out about this the other year.

So a while back (I can’t remember exactly when but I think it was some time around the 40s/50s), a bunch of penguins escaped. A keeper left the gate open so a bunch of penguins just… followed them. And the people loved it. Look at these adorable birds outside their cage just following that guy around! So they get all the penguins back inside and realise that none of them really ran off, they just followed the keeper and went back inside and crowd thought it was amazing, so why not make it a regular thing? Get enough people there that if one of them goes to make a run for it (which at least one has in the past), they can’t get past the people, and let the ones who want outside have a little wander. So every day, they get a crowd, they open the gate, and whatever penguins want to get out can go, waddle about, squawk at people, and then hop back inside.

Also, one of those penguins is Brigadier Sir Nils Olaf III, Colonel-in-cheif of the Norwegian King’s Guard. This isn’t really related to the parade at all, I just love the fact that there’s a penguin in the Norwegian army

Reblogging with Brigadier Sir Nils Olaf III inspecting his troops.

Carry on …

I love everything about this post.

If I fail to reblog this it is because I am dead. 

bumbleshark:

sneakyfeets:

a-perplexing-puzzle:

sneakyfeets:

pipersgay:

step one: 

artemis fowl movie:

failed step one

The casting call for Artemis Fowl described him as a boy with a “fun-loving, open heart” so you knew before they even landed their eyes on the first mediocre white person the movie was irretrievably fucked

The casting call described him as what now

last i checked back in 6th grade, artemis was a fuckin dick of a child

lumpatronics:

peteseeger:

rosalui:

onedeadkitty:

tariqah:

Interspecies lesbianism

It’s cute guys

nothing but respect for MY lesbian big cat couple

Butch/Butch couple

This is actually hella interesting, bc in simple terms, tigers are extroverts and lions are introverts. There’s more to it, but that’s the gist.

Whenever zoo’s tried to put lions and tigers in the same enclosures, the tiger would eventually try to groom the lioness and play constantly. The lioness would lose patience and snaps at them

So basically what I’m saying is that you have a regal and refined gf who stands at the edge of a balcony during parties, sipping champagne

Then you have the other girl who drank all of the little flutes on the servers platter, and is now drunkenly pointing at her gf and telling everyone that that’s her gf and doesn’t she look beautiful I love her so much