dragongf:

Some ppl say comedy is dead cause of “political correctness” but like john mulaney did an entire bit on captchas and bo burnham did an entire bit on not being able to fit ur hand inside a pringles can so really anything is possible as long as ur actually funny

corvusiink:

bramblepatch:

bluandorange:

kenziekatwitchcraft:

midnight-daylily:

ryn-exe:

plant-boi-lester:

asterphil:

septicplier:

spell your username without using the letters in your name

mine is ptipi

sterph

plt-bo-lst

-exe

Mght-ylly

twhrft

bludorg

brmbleptc

iik

Gu tull

sleepsong:

politics in 2018 are wild

stressbakingelf:

Good Company

POV Alucard. There’s an undead cat, memories to process, and only One Bed in the whole castle.

-~-

Repairing the ruins of an old life was much easier with superhuman strength and agility. Alucard found his heritage more a blessing than a curse for once, mending what was to be his new home with relative ease. Manual labor was a vital distraction, Alucard finally able to process his grief as his hands remained busy. The magnificence of the castle slowly returned, as memories surfaced and slowly faded. Images of his mother, his father, and himself rose in his mind like waves, building an ache in his chest that as soon as he could move on, another would crest and break over him.

He reshelved books and swept the main library, collecting debris and dust from the scuffed floorboards. He could still feel himself running around happily, giggling as a small child as Dracula picked him up and set him on a table beside an open book he’d been reading.

“Libraries are meant to be quiet, Adrian.” Dracula’s voice was soft, almost teasing. Adrian obviously could sense he wasn’t in trouble, just grinning and holding his mouth open.

“I’m getting baby fangs! Look look!”

Adrian swung his legs excitedly as Dracula looked inside his mouth for the tenth time that week, amused at his son’s excitement. “You’re only half vampire. They won’t be true fangs until you’re an adult.”

“Woof!”

“Vampires do not woof, child.”

“I’m gonna learn how to turn into a wolf!”

Dracula chuckled. “Much better. I expect you’ll be able to transform into a bat too.”

Adrian happily picked up a book too heavy for a normal child and hugged it to his chest, slipping off the table to go somewhere else to read. “I’m gonna go tell Mom I’m working on trigonometry! Bye!”

Alucard sighed deeply. He missed the excitement of every new day, of piles of books he couldn’t wait to read for pleasure. He yearned for his projections to be real, to see his mother and father again. New knowledge was hardly exciting without another to share it with. His heart clenched painfully and he rubbed his eyes, wincing at the soreness from crying.

If he was honest, he missed Sypha and Trevor just as much. His newly found family who gave him the precious gifts of their friendship were gone to adventure in the outside world. Dracula’s, or rather, his castle and the Belmont vault were just as much their homes as his, but the emptiness still stung. It felt as if they’d never come back. In Alucard’s heart, he’d already tried to make peace with it, telling himself he’d be fine alone.

A couple weeks passed, and the repairs to the structure were going well. Alucard found himself sleeping in one of the very few guest rooms with any furnishing to speak of. His childhood bedroom was too much to look at, from the broken bedpost, to the toys and belongings from a past life, to the scorched rug he hadn’t the heart to move. He woke up one morning and stopped dead in the kitchen at a creature lounging on the counter as if it owned the place.

Only one thing could be so arrogant. A cat.

Keep reading

chibinightowl:

Anyone feel like a little vampire and werewolf relationship between Dick and Jason where they have to pretend that they’re normal people and their new neighbor Tim just isn’t buying it for a second? No? Too bad, this is my mood for tonight. ^.^

~*~*~

Dick sighs as he hears a loud crash and even louder swearing coming from the living room. “Everything okay in there, Jay?”

“Yeah, it’s just peachy. I’ll have the curtains up in a few minutes for ya, babe.”

Tucked away safely in his traveling box, Dick rolls his eyes. Sunlight hurts, but it won’t kill him, not unless he plans to go swimming at high noon without a ton of sunblock on. “As long as the sun isn’t shining directly into the room, I’ll be fine.”

There’s another curse, and then Jason is unlatching the lid, his teal eyes shining brightly. “You sure?”

“Positive.” Dick even tosses in one of his trademark smiles that always makes Jason’s heart flutter just for him. It never fails.

“Okay.” Jason nods and steps back, holding the lid higher so Dick can sit up. It’s not a coffin, but an old cedar chest he’d found in an antique store about fifty years ago. The old wood smells wonderful to this day and there’s just enough room inside that Dick can move around a bit while he’s awake.

The living room of their new brownstone is littered with boxes and crates, one of which has fallen over in Jason’s attempts to hang blackout curtains over the large front window without seating the rods properly.

“I was kinda hopin’ to get more done before you woke up,” Jason admits somewhat sheepishly, dragging a hand through his ragged hair. In his wolf form, he’d gotten into something incredibly sticky a couple months ago and it didn’t come out when he shifted back, so rather than ask for help, he just cut all his hair off.

Dick still hasn’t quite forgiven him for that.

“It’s fine. Remember, we checked the light in here before we even signed the paperwork. This window never gets direct sunlight. Only the bay windows in the dining room and the ones upstairs do”

Jason growls quietly, but lets it go. Unpacking commences at a much faster pace and while Dick arranges the living room to his liking, the young werewolf tackles the kitchen. It’s a constant source of amazement to the vampire that here he is in a relationship with a wolf. A relationship that makes him happier than any he’s ever had before, even if it could be said that Jason is a little rough around the edges and did try to kill him the first time they’d met. 

This is progress. Wonderful and thrilling progress where they’re both out from under the thumbs of their respective coven and pack to start a new life together without any interference from those who can take their old-fashioned opinions and shove them up their ass. Gotham City is a known haven for those bucking tradition and Dick is curious to see what their life will be like here.

Dick is holding a pair of antique swords in his hands, trying to determine if they’ll look right above the fireplace, when there’s a knock at the front door. A quick glance outside reveals it’s still a little too bright for him to answer himself, but Jason is already striding into the living room, claws unsheathed and fangs extended as he growls at the door.

“Who the fuck knows we’re even here?”

“No one, so calm down. Remember, we are a normal household who do normal household things. Human things. Like answer the door without snapping the poor soul’s head off.”

Jason rumbles in displeasure, but takes a deep breath. His claws retreat and the fangs inch back upward into his gums. It’s a trick that amuses Dick greatly because it’s very similar to what his do.

There’s another polite knock and Jason glares at Dick. “If this turns out to be trouble, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“If it’s trouble, at least I’m already armed.”

A very displeased Jason unlocks the front door and opens it. Dick stands further back in the hall, in sight, but not in the pool of light that is partially blocked by a young man standing at the top of the steps. He catches a glimpse of black hair that needs a haircut and pale blue eyes on a thin face before Jason stands squarely in the center of the doorway, unknowingly shielding him from view.

“Yeah?” he says, not sounding welcoming at all.

“Hey, yeah. So I’m your neighbor, Tim. I live just to the left of you guys.” 

Dick cautiously approaches, but doesn’t let go of the swords he still holds firmly.

“Anyway, I’m a warlock and I couldn’t help but notice that the two of you aren’t exactly human either. This neighborhood is pretty cool and all, but you may want to keep an eye out for Old Man Tetch. He lives right across the street from us and he loves to spy on people.”

Jason splutters and glances back at Dick with wide eyes.

Dick sets down his swords and comes as close as he dares to the open door. “It’s nice to meet you, Tim,” he says, taking note of the rather sloppy casual way the young man is dressed. This close, he can taste the power radiating off him and doesn’t doubt for a second that Tim is older than he appears. “I’m Dick and this is Jason. Why don’t you come in for a bit? Jason can make some tea.”

Tim smiles and holds out his hand, which Jason reflexively shakes. “I’m a coffee kind of guy myself. Gotta admit, I didn’t think I’d be living next door to a vampire and a werewolf again so soon.”